Call that abuse? Luxury!

There have been comments and tweets suggesting that JK is missing the spotlight since Harry Potter ended. If she's missing the media attention so much that it's driving her to jump on an easy bandwagon, namely SNP bashing, then it's certainly a strategy that's worked - the media have lapped it up.

However, if JK Rowling thinks she's going to win the crown for the most abused Unionist in Scotland then I'm afraid she's a million light years behind the front runners.

I imagine a scene just like the Monty Python sketch where Yorkshiremen argue about who was the most poor - you know the one, usually (wrongly) paraphrased as "Lived in crack in road? Luxury!"

So here's my brief take on that, followed at the end by a call to arms for us all to rewrite that sketch!

JK ROWLING

"I've been called an English luvvie on Twitter - now that's abuse."

JIM MURPHY

"Call that abuse? Luxury! I'd give all me fundily mundilies to be called an English luvvie on Twitter. I've been pelted with eggs, shouted at through mega phones, had Star Wars' theme tune played to me with shouts of 'bow to your imperial masters', been forced to run off the street with my favourite cross-dressing comedian - even been compared to Ridley Scott's alien. Oh my poor fundily mundilies but that's abuse."

JOHANN LAMONT 

"Call that abuse? Luxury! I've been told I was too incompetent to lead the branch office up here and then was genetically programmed to fall on my own sword. Now that's abuse."

NICOLA STURGEON 

"Call that abuse? Luxury! I've been called Britain's most dangerous woman. There were no swear words involved but the best abuse never uses them. Now that's real abuse."

Of course, I wish now I'd recorded all the insults that had been thrown around during the referendum and since. Perhaps this would be a good community effort? Could we all collectively write a similar comedy sketch, listing all the insults that have been hurled around over the past few years? What politicians and others would we have in such a sketch?

Nicola Sturgeon writes today about the abuse she's received on Twitter and calls on SNP members to be more careful with their language on social media or they'll be disciplined. All sides have hurled insults - today, Alistair Carmichael has accused David Cameron of having an "almost psychopathic ruthlessness."

A sketch 'celebrating' the best insults might just help to make us all laugh and thus diffuse the situation. Are you up for helping?