This week saw the MPs return to parliament for the voting in of John Bercow as Speaker. Binger Murray had already been promoted to Shadow Secretary of State for Scotland on the 8th of May and so he got to sit on the front benches in the House of Commons. Labour obviously felt sorry for him and gave him a prominent position next to their acting leader, hoping that might cheer the guilt-ridden binger up.
But you can be alone in a crowded room and Binger Murray looked forlorn and lonely, his narcissistic binging the reason he's the only Labour MP left in Scotland.
You can plainly see in his face the hunger for more of the selfish feasting for which he's become infamous. Not content with gobbling up all his Scottish Labour colleagues' valories (see here for definition), he's now clearly after Harriet Harman's 25,824 valories. Is there no end to his gluttony?
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| Binger Murray, staring hungrily at Harriet Harman, thinking: "I bet she'd taste good deep fried." |
One almost expects to see him drool in the same way Homer Simpson does over a doughnut.
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| "Mmm, valories..." |
The resemblance between Binger Murray and Homer is uncanny. No wonder his front-bench colleagues look a little nervous. They must have told him "sit here where we can keep an eye on you." So there he sat, glumly dreaming of binging on other peoples' majorities.
Not so Low-cal Mundell, who bravely smiled to all as he wondered why he hadn't got as prominent a position on the front benches as his Shadow, Binger Murray. If you didn't notice Low-cal Mundell in parliament, then I've helpfully circled him in the enlarged photo below (he's awaaay to Cameron's left).
You can hardly see him for the furniture. Compare that to where Binger Murray is sat, also circled. Low-cal Mundell must be furious inside at this public confirmation of the slim role he'll be playing in government. As David Cameron would have told him, Secretary of State for the Northern Celtic Fringe just isn't that important.
Still, at least it's a rung up from Crash-diet Carmichael who started the week badly and then fell into even more hot oil as the week ended. First, the newly-elected Speaker forgot to call him to speak! The ritual was for the Speaker to call each party's leader to stand up to congratulate the Speaker, new colleagues and the new Father of the House on their positions. Here we see the Speaker initiating the call for parliament to be adjourned until tomorrow, thus signifying the end of that day's parliamentary proceedings.
Looking closer, we see one assistant rush off the benches towards him and the wigged man in front turn round to face him, both hurriedly pointing out that he'd totally forgot to call Crash-diet Carmichael.
Well, the Lib Dems are an easy bunch to forget. But Crash-diet got up and spoke and boasted that he and the few remaining Lib Dems that had managed to cling on as MPs were an "elite cadre."
As I'm sure you know, by the end of the week he was in an "elite cadre" of one. Sir Jeremey Heywood, the most senior civil servant in Whitehall, had been hunting for the naughty boy who'd leaked a memo to the Telegraph that falsely claimed Sturgeon secretly wanted the Tories to win. Despite Crash-diet denying it was him during the election campaign, it turned out it was him all along.
So he gave an apology where he asserted that since he hadn't read the memo before he authorised leaking it, then he couldn't really be blamed too much. Besides, he was on a diet at the time and clearly was suffering from low blood-sugar levels so he's really, really not to be blamed too much.
Crash-diet, we salute you.
Despite being in close-knit group the Valorie-Restricted Three (VR3), you've managed to outshine your VR3 colleagues and hog all the limelight yourself. Perhaps that's why, shamefully, neither of them have tweeted to your defence.
Does this spell the end of the VR3?
Tune in next week for more unbearable goings-on of the most famous diet-group in the world, the Valorie-Restricted Three!
Last week's update: New to Scottish Politics - it's The Valorie-Restricted Three!
Last week's update: New to Scottish Politics - it's The Valorie-Restricted Three!
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